OTTUMWA — Local resident Brenda Keller confirmed Thursday that the city’s decades-long struggle to attract visitors could be solved by constructing the exact same attraction people are currently driving somewhere else to experience.
Keller said a lazy river at The Beach Ottumwa would finally put the town back on the map, despite acknowledging she’d recently visited nearly identical lazy rivers in two other Iowa communities.
“If people are willing to drive to theirs,” Keller explained, “they’d definitely be willing to drive to ours.”
Keller said she has also previously concluded the city needed a Costco, Trader Joe’s, Bass Pro Shops, aquarium, Topgolf, Buc-ee’s, indoor water park and Cheesecake Factory, noting each proposal would have independently transformed the local economy had anyone bothered to build it.
At press time, Keller had begun researching which amenity Ankeny was expected to build next.
