IOWA CITY — The University of Iowa announced Friday that Pro Football Hall of Famer Kurt Warner will be its new starting quarterback after watching former professional football players return to the college game and concluding that apparently we’re just fucking doing this now.
“We were under the impression that playing professional football meant you couldn’t come back and play college football,” Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz said. “Apparently that’s not necessarily a thing anymore, so we called Kurt.”
Warner, 55, last played college football at Northern Iowa in 1993 before beginning a professional career that included two NFL MVP awards, a Super Bowl championship and induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Iowa officials acknowledged that Warner quite obviously exhausted his collegiate eligibility more than three decades ago.
“Yeah,” Ferentz said. “We know. But times have changed.”
Athletics officials said Iowa briefly considered asking the NCAA whether Warner was eligible before deciding that would only complicate matters.
“Our official interpretation at this point is fuck it,” an Iowa compliance official said.
Warner won the starting job during his first practice after completing three consecutive forward passes of 3 yards each, causing several members of Iowa’s coaching staff to become visibly emotional.
“I’d forgotten the ball could travel like that,” Ferentz said.
Warner said he initially believed the phone call was a joke but became intrigued after coaches explained what Iowa requires from its quarterback.
“They said hand it off, don’t turn it over and occasionally complete something on third-and-7 so the punter can get a little rest,” Warner said. “I think I’ve still got that.”
Iowa officials said Warner’s age should not be an issue, noting he remains younger than approximately half of the coaching staff and significantly younger than the offensive philosophy.
