DAVENPORT — Republican Party of Iowa officials struggled to contain an embarrassing ideological defection this week after the podium used during the party’s “Turek’s Too Liberal” tour began visibly leaning to the speaker’s left.
Party officials said the podium had been exposed to liberal ideas for less than 20 minutes before beginning its ideological drift. Several Republicans reportedly attempted to straighten the lectern before viewing it from the audience, where it appeared to be leaning right, and becoming unsure whether there was a problem at all.
“Wait, what did they want us to fix again?” one party intern said.
Officials initially blamed uneven pavement before rejecting the explanation as suspiciously evidence-based.
“We’re obviously disappointed,” a party official said. “You spend all this time making sure everybody on stage is conservative and apparently nobody bothered to vet the fucking podium.”
The lectern has since been removed from future events while party officials search for a replacement capable of remaining reliably right of center.
