DES MOINES — Iowa livestock farmers reacted with fury this week after President Donald Trump once again pursued policies that directly fucked them over financially, warning that continued betrayals could force them to still vote for Republicans again in November.
Walsh explained in incredibly specific detail the multitude of Trump policies that continuously fuck farmers like Hansen over.
Hansen, despite being annoyed that a woman was trying to act smart in front of him on his land, listened as Walsh walked through tariffs, trade retaliation, lost export markets and other Trump policies. After considering the evidence, Hansen acknowledged Walsh had made several compelling points before dismissing all of them on the grounds that she was a Democrat.
“See, that’s how they get you,” Hansen said. “They start throwing facts at you until you forget who’s ruining the country. Fuckin’ socialists! Anyway, listen, hunny, it’s OK. Trump said he will be sending us a check to make it right.”
Ultimately, Walsh decided to just walk into traffic. She was pronounced dead at 3:24 p.m. Saturday.
Farm organizations responded forcefully with strongly worded statements condemning the damage while carefully avoiding any suggestion that elections might have something to do with government policy.
“If they keep fucking over livestock producers, eventually somebody needs to be held accountable,” said cattle producer Doug Kramer.
Asked whether that might affect his vote, Kramer appeared offended.
“Jesus Christ,” he quipped. “Do I look like a commie to you? They murder babies and let dudes play on girls’ sports teams. MAGA!”
At press time, Hansen was demanding to know why liberals had allowed Trump to do this.
