MARSHALLTOWN — A local man returned home shaken but triumphant Friday after completing an entire grocery trip without encountering a former coworker, distant relative, high school classmate or person whose name he could not remember.
“I kept waiting for it,” said Darren Fosburg, who entered the store at approximately 6:14 p.m. “Produce was clear. Meat department was clear. I even made it through the middle aisles without having to ask anyone how their mom was doing.”
Fosburg said the closest call occurred near the frozen pizzas, where he briefly made eye contact with a man who looked familiar enough to require evasive action.
“I pulled out the old ‘Ope, I forgot the milk’ move,” he said. “These social people need to step their game up, honestly.”
The trip lasted just 3.7 minutes and included milk, sandwich meat, paper towels and one item Fosburg’s wife texted him about after he was already in the checkout line.
Local statisticians described the achievement as “extremely unlikely,” particularly during the after-work window.
Fosburg has not ruled out returning next week but said he understands lightning rarely strikes twice.
“I’m not getting cocky,” he said. “I need to get home and talk with my wife, family and pastor, and see what my next calling will be.”
